confessions {a Mom-day post}

I know it’s Tuesday, but this post has been weighing on my mind and I just couldn’t seem to get to the computer yesterday (at least when it was working).
I got a phone call from an old friend last Monday.  (not that she’s old, we’ve just known each other a long time 😉 )  She was calling to let me know that another friend from our old group had just suffered a terrible tragedy- her 2 year old son was accidentally backed over by her husband and killed.  My heart is simply broken for this family.  It is the sort of thing nightmares are made of, one this family will never wake from.  As my friend was conveying the message she said, “It could have been any of us.”  That thought has struck home so much for me this past week.  My mom made the mistake of reading the comments on the story that was published in a local newspaper’s online site.  Instead of finding sympathy and compassion there was condemnation and criticism, judgment and anger.  All of these thoughts swirling around have led me to this:
My confession:
I am not a perfect mom.
I try, I really do.  I worry about my children, and do all in my power to keep them safe and healthy.  
But, I am human.  I get distracted and tired and sometimes they just get away from me no matter how focused I am.
I walk around my large SUV every time I leave the house, except for the times when I don’t.  It doesn’t happen often, but in those moments of hurry or distraction- but for the grace of God I could be the one suffering regret and pain.
I guess my plea is this:  Forgive me my imperfections.  Know I am doing my very best, even though I am well aware that there are plenty of times my best is not nearly good enough.  Assume I am trying, even when you see me failing, or floundering or completely dropping the ball.  Understand that I love my children with every fiber of my being and that I would willingly give my life for theirs if I could, but that sometimes my own sanity has to take priority or they will be left without a sane mother to raise them.
If you look closely, you will see plenty of mistakes to judge or criticize.  You will raise your eyebrows at me when one (or all) of my children are acting out in public.  You will see hand-me down fashions and worn out shoes.  You may even see me feeding my baby formula on occasion. (gasp!)
In a cyber age, where personal contact is fading and anonymity allows for aggression and criticism- understand that behind the story, or the blog, or even the Facebook post there is a real person, with feelings and dreams and hopes and struggles and failings and weaknesses.  A person who is very aware of their shortcomings without any help or suggestions from you.  Someone who just needs encouragement and understanding and sympathy.  Be the one to give it.  To lift and support and love.  
And even with all my shortcomings- I promise to do the same.

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  • Anonymous
    February 7, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    Oh Amy, that makes my heart hurt. I was just talking to my oldest son about this yesterday – he is getting old enough that within a year he will get his learners permit and eventually a car and I was telling him I will not allow him to drive a car without rear sensors just for this very reason.

    Accidents like this happen too frequently and I can't imagine the unbearable grief and guilt of the parents!

    I just posted yesterday of my near miss story with an iron, not nearly as severe as this though, but it just makes my heart hurt just thinking about what could have been – I can't even imagine having to live with something as sad as this.

    I am so so sorry.

  • quilt happy
    February 7, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    no one that has ever lost a child could be mean we know the pain so much and it never goes away

  • Randee
    February 7, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    Father God, we come to you with sorrow in our hearts. We cannot and/or will not pretend to know the grief this young family is feeling right now! Father I ask, that you protect this family as only YOU can from all the persocution from others. They may be ignorant to ALL the facts. Please take this man into your arms & let him feel the love & compassion from his Father as this could not have been avoided & his guilt must be huge! Satan, STEP OFF!!!!! You have NO place here!!!! Let this family grieve in peace, with thier eyes looking UP & Lord, let them find peace, the only kind of Peace that You offer in times like this!!!! Thank you Lord, in Jesus name we pray, Amen. Amy, please know that as a mother I ache in my heart for this family. If they keep thier eyes upon the Lord, He will get them thru this. I will be praying for you, them & ALL families. This will go out as a prayer chain from the West coast to the East. God Bless you, Chelle

  • Darcy
    February 7, 2012 at 11:06 pm

    Forgive ALL of us our imperfections because we ALL have them. And shame on anyone who would judge someone in such a tragic situation. Save the judgement for the child abusers and molesters – most of us are just doing the best we can and sometimes terrible accidents happen. Thanks for this reminder to hug our kids a little closer and be as careful as we can. Also thanks for sharing such an honest post – very brave!

  • Andi @ Jane of all crafts
    February 8, 2012 at 1:57 am

    This post brought tears to my eyes. I can't even imagine the pain and suffering that family is going through and to think they are being verbally attacked is so sad. I second your sentiments. So beautiful and honest. You are a dime a dozen.

  • supersara20
    February 8, 2012 at 2:47 am

    This is one of the most tragic, open, honest and heart felt posts that I've read in a while. My condolences to your friend.

  • Gwen @ Gwenny Penny
    February 8, 2012 at 2:59 am

    So sorry to hear about this, Amy. I cannot imagine the pain they are going through and the guilt that these poor people must feel. What a tragedy. Heart-felt post. Thinking of you and your friend.

  • Kristie
    February 8, 2012 at 3:58 am

    I am so sorry for your friend. I almost ran my daughter over, and my brother was there to stop me. Thank goodness.
    I always appreciate your mom-day posts. They are always so real, and really hit home to me. Thank you.

  • Staci J
    February 8, 2012 at 4:11 am

    Oh my goodness that is the saddest thing ever, and yes you're right, any parents' worst nightmare. It really could be any one of us, and it's so sad that we live in a world where there are judgmental and condemning people all around us. I used to live my life for these people, trying not to offend, or be judged, or please the heck out of them. I've learned it doesn't matter. I'm sooo not perfect, and it only matters what my family and close friends think. Oh that poor family, I hope they find comfort and relief somehow duringthis difficult time. Thanks for sharing Amy.

  • Jonie Marie
    February 8, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    What a tragic thing for your friends to go through. Not only do they have to deal with the loss of the child, but to also be attacked by others inconsideration and judgement is awful.

    This reminds me of a news story I heard about a woman who left her child in the car all day. It was a really hot day (like 98 degrees) and the child ended up dying. Instead of people giving her the benefit of the doubt she ended up having to quit her job and move because of all of the unkind people.

    I just don't understand why when someone is hurting so much that people feel the need to kick them while they are down.

    Thank you for putting into words what so many of us feel.


  • Amy L
    February 8, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    Thank you Amy for this heartfelt honesty, from an other mother who is also trying through her imperfections to give her children all that she can even though there are 7 of them and only one of me. Sometimes I feel stretched os thin that I am about to snap and other days I feel so full and happy that I know it is all worth it. My thoughts and prayers are with your friend and her family – hoping they find comfort knowing that their child is in Jesus' arms. We are all taken from this earth at the moment God has chosen not a moment sooner or later. A wise person once said that the time and tool has already been determined when our lives begin. With love ~Amy @Permanent Kisses