The other day I was walking past you sleeping, tucked into the corner of the couch. I was on my way to get something or other done, rushing, overwhelmed, exhausted. I often feel like I’m on the verge of falling apart into frantic tears or mindless ranting. Having a newborn is hard, even if they are easy- as you most certainly are. But in that moment of rushing past, I glanced down and looked at your sweet face and stopped. I dropped down on my knees in front of you so my face was level with yours and just sat and stared.
I grabbed my camera because I wanted to capture the shape of your mouth, the position of your hands, the peacefulness of your sleeping face. I know from experience that this phase passes all too quickly. Soon you will roll over, sleep through the night, smile on purpose, figure out how to make your hands do what you want them to do. There are moments I can’t wait for those things to come (let’s be honest, it’s mostly the sleep I’m excited about), but the thought of losing this time with you makes my heart hurt just a little. So for today, despite not going to bed until 3:30 this morning, I’m going to hold you a little longer than I otherwise would, I’m going to let the laundry wait for a day, I’m going to put up with a little more chaos than I normally like- and I’m going to hold you, and smell you and kiss you and soak up every 5 week old baby minute I can with you. Even if I don’t get a shower. Because it’s not going to last, this precious newborn baby stage, and I don’t want to miss it.